And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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