The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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