i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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