She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm both gender and math confused
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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