he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Shame is for Republicans.
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