WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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