Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
