Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
