I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
