its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
