I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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