I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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