I've blown a few things in my day
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
