is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
