Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
