kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
