yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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