now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
