Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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