a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
we're so committed to being not committed
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
