so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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