this is something i pride myself on being below average for
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
