She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You ruined the universe
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
