woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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