Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
