508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
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The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
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he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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