I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You were trust falling into bushes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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