i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you never un-have a 4some
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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