Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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