I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
