dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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