I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
