you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just high enough for therapy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
