I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
