he thought i was a dude.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
