yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize