I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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