My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
