I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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