Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
