sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
