During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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