drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
