had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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