you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
