That's intense
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i came on her dog
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
