Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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