It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
