She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize