the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
