this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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