I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
