Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
