We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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