im drinking this country out of the recession.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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