Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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