Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This house was built for laser tag.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
