Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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