I hope mine doesn't look like that
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
