So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
